How To Be Yourself & When To Fake It
You already know what to do — so just do it!
…or fake it, if need be.
Nobody can tell you how to live, they’ve already got a life of their own! Do you want to be like other people or do you want to stand out from the crowd? I do hope it’s the latter…
In fact, I’ve had to learn this as a writer. How can you succeed if you’re copying the crowd?
Just like every other aspiring storyteller, I’ve tried to follow in the footsteps of my favourite authors. But eventually, I learned some wisdom: most of their advice on writing is merely a personal preference.
For instance, some writers write first and edit later, while others edit as they write; and some writers stick to what they know, while others delve into the unknown.
Put simply: you can’t expect everything to work for you.
So find what works for you!
The trouble with advice is that it arises from someone else’s experiences. It works for them so it has to work for you. But that’s not always the case.
I was once told that blogging requires finding a particular niche — especially if you want to make money! And then I found Helene In Between, who disagreed with the whole idea:
“Think, for a second, of any of the radio shows or talk shows or morning news programs that you listen to,” she beckons. “Do they always stay on one subject ONLY?
“NO!
“Because they are constantly using interesting, top-of-mind news and content that’s interesting to the viewer.”
To drive the message home, here are several successful bloggers without a niche. And the reason why they can blog successfully without a niche? Because they evoke a unique personality!
My point here is that not all advice is right for you.
Of course, I’m not saying that you should treat every bit of advice with contempt. Most advice is good: always wear a condom, don’t make assumptions, trust your instincts. They hold plenty of reasonable truth in them. But not all of them are for you.
And that’s something you will need to distinguish.
Also, you can’t impress everyone!
Every successful person in this world has haters. And just like them, you’re also going to attract people who hate you. That’s life, hunnibunch!
However, the sooner you learn to accept that not everyone will like you, the sooner you learn to reject their mindless opinions.
Of course, a lot of people won’t tell you at all; they’ll just keep scrolling. And I wish all the haters did that. Nevertheless, there are plenty of arseholes out there who will feel the urge to tell you how much you suck.
But guess what? Unless they offer any constructive criticism, they’re the ones that truly suck. Because they’re obviously not helping you. They’re just voicing the fact that they don’t like your work. As if they want a medal!
Such a pity.
My advice — should you choose to accept it — is to blatantly express yourself more. It’ll piss off the haters and that will make you feel good.
Strut your stuff, darling, and don’t let anyone rain on your parade!
But sometimes you need to fake it…
To be clear, I’m not an advocate for faking a lifestyle to suit others. But how about faking it for your own benefit? Well, if it’s something that you truly want to do, then I heartily agree!
According to psychotherapist Amy Morin via Psychology Today, “faking it until you make it only works when you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back.
“Behaving like the person you want to become is about changing the way you feel and the way you think.”
Perhaps you’ve been yearning to be more approachable? Or a better organiser? Or perhaps you just want to be more confident? Whatever your desired change is, all you have to do is fake it until you feel that way. But you should only do it if it’s purely for you…
“If your motives are to prove your worth to other people,” Amy continues, “your efforts won’t be successful, and research shows that this approach actually backfires.
“A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that people who tried to prove their worth to others were more likely to dwell on their shortcomings.”
If you really want to change a habit, or a lifestyle or even a new career, then fake it til you make it. And as long as you’re doing it for your own benefit, you will be able to deflect those nasty comments effortlessly.
But when you fake it for others and expect rapturous applause, you will spend too much time analysing the silence and not enough time finding the next step.
So be your true self and fake it if you must.
It’s your life, after all…
Originally published at https://thegaystraighttalker.com on June 6, 2020.
