Grow Some Balls; Be Unmasculine

A macho man wearing a tank top is not as powerful as a macho man wearing a tutu. Because the former is conforming to society while the other is breaking the rules.

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Man with makeup. Image: Noah Buscher on Unsplash

For too long, we’ve lived in a world where masculine men were the rage. A powerful man who doesn’t show weakness is considered the epitome of the male form. At least that’s what society thinks. And where has that got us? Well, men are more likely to suffer from mental health issues and will likely bottle it up. And they are more likely to commit suicide.

Dare I say this is all because men are taught at a young age not to be weak. As if being weak was the ultimate sin.

Of course it’s not! Everyone will face weakness in their life, whether they like it or not. They’ll come to a point where uncertainty brings them down. Where life throws lemons and they cry. We can’t expect to be strong all the time. And yet, far too many men force themselves to be strong — even when they’re not really feeling it — because they fear the wrath of their fellow man.

But fuck all that! When I see a man cry, I don’t see a pansy. I see a man who has reached his limit. He feels defeated and so he calls for help. And honestly, it takes a lot of strength to admit defeat.

You’re not hiding your true feelings behind a false mask — that’s a real weakness. Instead, you’re being honest with yourself and those around you. And that takes a lot of balls!

True weakness is when you don’t take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It’s when you pretend you’re okay even when you know you’re not, purely because you’re worried about what other people will think of you.

You fear they’ll call you a pansy. But what is more pansy: Wearing a mask and hiding your feelings OR opening yourself up in a cruel and heartless world?

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”
Criss Jami

Sorry to burst your bubble, sweet cheeks, but the ideal masculine man that you’ve been striving for is a false reality. It’s a fake mould perpetuated by the media. But don’t get me wrong — men can be strong. They’ve been strong in a lot of ways. Just like women have been strong over the centuries. But strength has a limit. And it also has a time and place.

The problem with being strong is that it wears you down. You will come to a point where you need to self-care. Run a bubble bath, listen to Katy Perry, smell flowers, write poetry, daydream, or even watch a feelgood chick-flick. Perhaps your idea of self-care is a little different, but I guarantee you not all your desired options are masculine. And that’s more than okay, it’s fucking necessary!

On top of that, masculinity and strength have a time and place. When you’re playing a contact sport, you need to show strength to overcome your opponents. And when you’re cleaning the backyard, you’re gonna look butch. It’s only natural.

But when you need a massage, what’s so masculine about that? It’s soothing and relieving. Or when you’re having a picnic date with your girlfriend, you can’t be all macho and aggressive.

My point is, you need to be unmasculine. You need to allow yourself to be true. To do what you want and not care what other people will think. Because that takes real balls!

“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”
Rita Mae Brown

Originally published at http://thegaystraighttalker.com on August 11, 2020.

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Setting the record straight on sexuality and being your most authentic self.

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