Can We Normalise Sexual Fluidity?

Because it actually is normal…

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Featured image: Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

Before I get started: NO, I am not asking everyone to be gay. Not all of you would want to try, and that’s totally fine! But, I am asking for society to view sexuality in a fluid state, where it’s completely normal to swing along the spectrum. Where straight people could go gay without being categorized, and gay people could go straight without social turmoil.

I am reminded of a time at a gay youth group I attended, where one of the social workers made a comment of how weird it would be if one of us decided to go straight. As if it was the most shocking thing in the world. We all (including me) naively agreed to this, not realising the implications of what we were doing. Essentially we were boxing ourselves in, not allowing ourselves the freedom to explore. Yes, we all agreed that we loved the same sex, but sexuality does have a habit of changing…

I may be gay, but I have had some experience with the ladies in my teenage years. I fooled around with girls, and while the pleasure was noted, it wasn’t my thing on a fundamental level. And this is important to note because avid straight people could easily have pleasurable sex with the same sex, but the entirety of being gay is not their thing.

Of course, this is not to say that you can change your sexuality from one side to the other. If that were the case, many gays prior to the decriminalisation of homosexuality would not have risked their lives cruising beats. But, just like your preferences for big tits or a plumpy gluteus maximus, your sexuality can naturally swing around over your lifetime.

Which is just like all your other preferences — from careers to the music you listen to.

Open Up Your Mind

We live in a categorical world because we have adverse reactions to uncertainty. We love certainty. It makes us feel safe. When things are in their right places, we breathe a little easier. But oftentimes we have to thrust ourselves into uncertainty to find ourselves again. Which is why we must accept sexual fluidity as a normal thing. Not just for bisexuals and pansexuals, but for everyone, in whatever identity they hold onto. Because while categories are great for logistics, they are hindrances to the human psyche.

When we box ourselves into specific categories, we tend to avoid all the alternatives. Whether it’s religion, politics or, in this case, sexuality. In fact, I’d wager that your music tastes are much freer than your political tastes. And that’s because with music you are privy to everything, whereas with politics you aren’t. You follow specific news sources and you chat with people who share your interests. Which is why I believe we should afford ourselves freedom of thought in everything. Because societal pressures are forcing people to stick to their identities.

Swinging Your Sexuality Is Normal

Sexy fruit threesome. Image: Dainis Graveris on Sexual Alpha

Just because your gay or straight, doesn’t mean you have to stick to it religiously. It’s your label, one that you’ve chosen — but it’s just a label in the end. If you want to try the other side, go for it! If you’re gay and you have yet to try straight sex (and you’ve been thinking about it), then try it. If you like it, it doesn’t mean that you are bisexual unless you really want it to. You could still consider yourself as gay if that’s how you predominately see yourself.

And this is the same for straight people. Just because you enjoy a bit of fun with your gay mate, doesn’t mean you have to now label yourself as gay. A straight man enjoying sex with another man is not the epitome of being gay. In fact, some gay porn actors are straight in real life (with a wife and kids) while doing “gay for pay”. And just because they can get a stiffy over another man does not make them gay either. BECAUSE BEING GAY IS A LABEL, NOT A LIFESTYLE!

The fact is, sexuality is a fluid state, not a concrete one. You can have preferences for what you like, but that doesn’t mean you have to abide by them. Sometimes a gay man might meet a pretty girl who manages to woo him into the bedroom. And that does not make him straight. On the flip side, a straight woman may tickle another woman’s package on a drunken evening and still be straight. And, yes, straight men can become gay porn actors and still refer to themselves as straight.

Because, contrary to popular opinion, labels are not concrete.

Featured image: Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on

Originally published at http://thegaystraighttalker.com on October 26, 2020.

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Setting the record straight on sexuality and being your most authentic self.

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