A Gay Man’s Guide To Consent

Just your friendly gay man setting the record straight.

I’ve rarely had to ask the question: “wanna have sex?” And that’s coming from someone who gets a decent amount of it. I don’t understand that whole concept of having to directly ask for consent, which seems to have been brought up thanks to the #metoo movement. If you have to ask directly, you’re not doing it right.

So, to help the straight people in my life (this includes women too), I’m sharing my secrets for gaining consent successfully. But first, let’s look at how not to gain consent:

Nudity is not consent

I’m quite averse to those who use the “short skirts” and “overbearing cleavages” as an argument against unwanted sexual violations. So I’m one-upping like every gay man is expected to do.

If a woman approaching you is stark naked, that does not equal consent. This is especially true if her hands are frantically covering her lady bits, but equally true if she is just casually walking over to you. And yes, this does happen. You could be at a nude beach or in a nudist colony.

But if a woman approaches you nude while seductively rubbing her map of Tasmania and giving you a sly, sexy look, then perhaps you could investigate further.

Please, for the sake of your pretty face, don’t ask “hey, wanna have sex”. God! Mood killer… instead, perhaps tell her she has a lovely figure. Or simply point at yourself and question her with your eyebrows. If she nods or says “I do have a lovely figure, wanna touch it” (or something along those lines), then she is giving you consent. Congratulations!

Even if you’re not sexually interested

Okay. Let’s just take a step back and talk about seductive clothing for a minute. As a gay man, I hear too many times from drag queens who get grappled by straight ladies and gay men without warning. Just because you’re not interested sexually, doesn’t mean you should. I mean, I know plenty of drag queens who will drop you to the floor if you fondle her fake breasts.

This is equally true for straight guys who playfully grope gay men without asking. Firstly, don’t confuse the poor gay guy. It will only lead to him investigating your sexuality. Secondly, it could be a little uncomfortable for him. What if he’s had prior trauma and you do this? So much triggering going on!

If you feel the incessant need to handle some fake titties or caress/confuse a gay guy, the least you could do is ask. I’m only saying this cause I’ve heard of cases where gay men grapple straight women, thinking it’s okay to do so because they’re gay. I know, right? Then why do they do it? Either they’re simply curious or they haven’t found themselves yet. Or they like Trump.

Pressuring for consent is harassment

Here’s to the men: if a gay man began hitting on you and you told him to stop, would you be happy if he began to pressure you? And ladies, if a creepy straight guy began hitting on you and you told him to stop but he doesn’t, how would you feel? It’s not a nice feeling when someone doesn’t listen to you.

No, according to the dictionary, means no.

But let’s say that someone is umming and ahhing about it. It’s not necessarily a no, because on some level they are interested. But this doesn’t mean they will say yes if you persist. It may not be a direct no, but it is also not a direct yes either. This is not consent, but you may consider enquiring further. They might tell you something that can give you better reasoning on whether it’s okay to persist or to try your luck elsewhere. And if they don’t want to tell you why then take that as a no. Move on, pal. Be certain about your sexcapades.

Alright, we’ve done an extensive review on what consent is and whether you have attained it or not. Now it’s time for me to share how you can easily notice consent.

When they look like they’re genuinely enjoying it

Thankfully, there’s only one way in which to notice consent: when they are genuinely enjoying it. If they’re screaming “oh my god, yes, harder, faster, deeper” or something along those lines, then praise Jesus, hallelujah, you’ve got consent. Keep up the good work! But perhaps tone down the spanking…

Men, if you’re flirting with her and she’s smiling, winking, nodding, licking her lips and restlessly rubbing her foot up against your leg, you’re getting somewhere! It may not be full consent for hot sexual action, but damn she is interested.

And if that man is lapping up your labia, then gurl, that’s consent!

But if you have to hold them down without their permission, then you might want to reconsider your actions. #justsayin

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Setting the record straight on sexuality and being your most authentic self.

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