A Drag Queen’s Guide To Great Christmas Songs
And none of them involve Mariah Carey (as much as I love her music!)
They say you never know music until you’ve befriended a drag queen. This is because the music we perform to has to be more than just good tunes. It’s gotta have character. It’s gotta have oomph. And it must engage well with the audience.
That being said, I’ve got a handful of Christmas songs that are sure to liven up your Christmas spirit. They are fun, catchy, and unique. And, dare I say, perhaps a little naughty.
Now, without further ado…
I’m Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas by Kate Miller Heidke
Nothing sells a drag show quite like a naughty song. And this ripper tune by Australia’s very own Kate Miller-Heidke is simply a perfect fit for the jolly month of December.
As the song suggests, we’ve become a little too eager on the clippers and wax for our nether regions that a revolution is upon us. Give your lover the best gift ever by growing a beard downstairs for Christmas.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Randy Rainbow (feat. Kathy Griffin and Alan Cumming
It’s always been a tongue-in-cheek tune that is PG enough for the kids. But Randy Rainbow, along with the help of Kathy Griffin and Alan Cumming, adds a few adult themes into the mix. But “adult” in a more childhood trauma kind of vibe.
And keeping with the Randy Rainbow touch, it’s unapologetically Broadway, letting you keep the bounce in your step. Also, for a truly American tune, check out his other tune Hey Girl It’s Christmas on this same album. Absolutely camp!
Run Run Rudolph by Kelly Clarkson
Sleigh, Kelly, sleigh queen! Most Christmas songs are pretty pop tunes with catchy riffs, but Kelly tears apart the stereotype with this wonderful rock anthem.
You’ll be waltzing down the shopping strip with a bop in your step!
Walking Round In Women’s Underwear by Bob Rivers
Can you imagine them playing this song at your local supermarket? Ha! Bob Rivers is a retired radio presenter who has also dabbled in music production, and over two decades ago he produced this wonderful catchy hit.
You can find the entire album on Spotify, too! And it’s a perfect tune to play over Christmas dinner…
Dear Santa (Bring Me A Man This Christmas) by The Weather Girls
There are so many great adaptations of this song, but nothing captures the true essence quite like the original. If the intro seems familiar, that’s because these girls are most famous for their hit song It’s Raining Men, another camp tune to bop to.
Also, who doesn’t need a man this Christmas?!
All I Want For Christmas Is Nudes by Trixie Mattel
Trust a drag queen to parody queen Mariah’s overplayed hit. But, if we’re gonna be honest, don’t we all just want nudes this Christmas? Well, maybe not just nudes, but they are most welcome!
I dare you to play this one at Christmas lunch!
This Is How We Jew It by Detox
Of course, Christmas is not the only holiday that blossoms in December. We mustn’t forget our Jewish friends who are celebrating Hunnakah. And Detox, who is also Jewish, created this boppy tune that will definitely get you dancing.
Santa’s Baby by Jackie Beat
This one must come with a trigger warning or two… Warning: contains references to abortion and sexual assault. That being said, it’s a mighty tune that a lot of longstanding drag queens have performed to, to the shock and horror of audiences.
But be careful where you play this Christmas tune.
Know any camp Christmas tunes? Share it below in the comments!
