3 Sexuality Facts Every Straight Person Should Know
Just your friendly gay man setting the record straight.
For a species where sex is the most basic need, we sure have a tough time navigating it. Unlike many promiscuous gay men , straight people still find it a taboo subject. The myths that have pervaded the school grounds still permeate the adult world. And because most of us don’t like talking about it, it generates a fear that many are unwilling to penetrate.
No wonder the lesbians, gays and bisexuals are depressed and anxious.
So, as a chapter 2 to my previous article on sexual health facts, I’m releasing to the world important sexuality facts that every straight person should know. This also goes for those who are questioning their sexuality. Knowledge is not just power, it also saves lives.
Having Same-Sex Relations Does Not Make You Gay
While it is true that shagging the same sex is the definition of gay, it does not make you so, and that’s mostly because sexuality is quite a fluid activity. Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual are simply labels that we put on ourselves. So the only way you can truly be gay is if you accept it.
If screwing your friend of the same sex constitutes gay, then we’d have a lot more of them. Many men and women who label themselves as straight have had gay or lesbian sex. And most of the time it’s a little more… physiological.
In regards to straight men, sex therapist Michael Shelton lists four reasons why same-sex relations do not affect sexual identity. They are infrequency, for physical activity/stress relief, for economic necessity (prostitution), or “accidental” (drunk/emotional release after an argument with the wife).
“In tally,” Michael writes, “the men interviewed reported that if sexual activity between men was anonymous, experimental, occasional, or if substance use was involved, the act was not ‘gay.’
Sexual identity is not indicative of the sex one has, but of the labels they accept. Even women have sex with their lady friends for physiological needs, whether for physical activity or for harmless experimentation.
So the next time you’re worried about being gay because you’ve copulated with your same-sex friend, remember that it’s only a label. You do not need to accept it.
Sexual Identity Does Not Affect Personality
I still get that awkward question from my straight friends, where they want to know if I’m the female in a sexual relationship. I usually answer with the fact that I’m a man who likes to have sex with men, but the root problem of this question doesn’t fall on the physical characteristics. It’s more emotional. Who is submissive and who is dominant. And this comes from the assumption that all gay men are submissive because they all seem to act like women.
The truth is that it’s only the girly gays who are more noticeable. I, myself, am too camp to get the statement “you don’t act gay”, but I know many who do.
Your personality is not affected by your sexual identity; sexuality simply determines who you prefer to have sex with.
It also determines how you have sex through submission and dominance. But, they are not beholden to the appendage between your legs. Submission or dominance is purely about what gets you off.
I know plenty of men who would prefer a woman to take charge, and this is not a concrete position. As I said, sexuality is fluid. It depends on the chemistry, and the sexual appetite of both (or more) partners. Sometimes this means letting a woman wear a strap on, but oftentimes it means the woman actively bouncing atop of her passive man.
In the gay male world, we use the terms “top”, “versatile” and “bottom” to clarify who likes to be penetrated and who likes to do the penetrating. This does not mean that bottoms are submissive and tops are dominant, though. Some bottoms can be more active in a sexual encounter, while some tops prefer to lie back and let them do all the work.
The unsubtle irony here is that masculinity and femininity do not run parallel with submission and dominance.
I’ve topped guys who are hard-working men, unaverse to getting their hands dirty and having pints at the bar with mates. And on more than one occasion, I did so in a (very) dominant way. And of the few times I have bottomed, the guys doing it are not that masculine at all. That’s because submission and dominance are power structures, while masculinity and femininity are social structures.
For centuries, masculinity has been equated to manly actions like hunting and gathering, while femininity has been equated to girly actions like rearing children and cleaning. The assumption that one was more dominant than the other wasn’t based on sexuality, but because women were not seen as equal to men. It’s only been in the last century where women have risen to a more equitable standing with men. However, I’m sure even in the 18th century feminine women would have dominated masculine men in the bedroom.
Sexuality Is A Matter Of Taste
The best way to explain sexuality is with a food analogy. Everyone has food they don’t like. For me, it’s tomatoes. For you, it could be broccoli or brussels sprouts. And then you have foods that you like. You may not necessarily be over the moon about them, but they’re good. Think chips or lettuce. Lastly, you have foods that you love. Chocolate, rump steak, garlic. Sexuality is exactly the same.
Most of you love the opposite sex. That’s a given since straight sex is the best route towards procreation (pun intended!). But a lot of you have dabbled in the same-sex, purely because you haven’t tried it. But we can go deeper than this.
You might hate broccoli, but you might be okay with it in a vegetable stir-fry. I hate tomatoes, but I love them in spaghetti. In other words, your sexuality can change depending on the circumstances. I, myself, have tried girls in a few scenarios. But, just like I am with licorice, I can safely say that I’d probably never be with a woman again.
And that exclusivity is not as common as you think. In fact, while a majority of us are exclusively attracted to the opposite sex, many studies report that there’s a decent percentage who have had a same-sex attraction.
Australian women aged 22–28, for instance, have a 58.8% chance of being exclusively heterosexual, while 25.8% are “mostly” straight and 10.2% are bisexual. This means that over a third of young adult women will at least have some same-sex attraction.
The interesting thing to note is that most studies show women have a higher chance of being attracted to the same sex than men. Personally, I believe it’s due to the toxic masculinity that has permeated our societies for so long.
A lot of men see being gay as a weaker identity, and so they are less likely to identify or even say they might identify with same-sex attraction. But as I’ve noted, sexuality is simply about sex. It’s got nothing to do with masculinity or femininity.
So when it comes to exploring your sexuality, don’t be afraid to experiment. It’s as natural as eating food.
It’s just sex.
